I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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