I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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