do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
