In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
