I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
