Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
