She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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