butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
