yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
