The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
