I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
