He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
