Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
