right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
