I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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