I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize