I think I am morally bankrupt
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
