hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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