i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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