I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
