covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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