yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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