I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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