Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What a dumb baby whore.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
