Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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