I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
