dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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