Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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