no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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