So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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