a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
