I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
