dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
