I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize