A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize