I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
