you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
