A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
