You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
