Yo dont text me then not text me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
