i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
