Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
