Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
