his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
