I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
