A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
