Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
