Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He better not be in your backpack
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
