yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
