she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
