So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
