She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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