i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
