I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
