I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
