you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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