i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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