go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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