Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
