I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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