You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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