Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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