I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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