i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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