FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
