i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
