You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
