Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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