I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize