it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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