If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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