Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
