Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
