How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
