I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
