Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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