my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
